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Posts Tagged ‘motherhood’

Last few monthsweeks I’ve been feeling kinda low. Frustrated. Exhausted. And generally miserable. At being on my own. HD not around. Juggling home, office, and baby. Etc etc. You get the picture.

Running low on energy, on cheer, on patience.

High on guilt. For not enough time spent with Goosh. For not enough things done with Goosh. For not singing to him, for not reading to him, for not making him listen to classic music. For being too tired to run after him, to twirl him through the air too often. For just being too tired.

And then along come ThariniM4, Chandu in an “Alchemisty” kind of way, all together, too much of  a coincidence to ignore. Kind of yelling at me to get off my butt and stop wallowing in misery.

That’s the best part of blogging. The friends you make. Never seen, never met. But voices heard, stories shared, hearts bared.

And I step back and realise, ‘all’s right with the world‘. I’m doing just fine.

Goosh and I have our moments. We play, we laugh, we smile. We look deep into each others eye and time freezes. All eternity in that one moment….

At work I’m managing to keep my head above water. Barely.  But I’m managing.

We’ve got a routine, a pattern for the house work all set. Special thanks to Anjali who looks after the house as her own. She’s taken over so many things not quite in her job description. I’ve figured out how to do the housework and office work after the Goosh sleeps. I’ve worked out ways and shortcuts to save and utilize every single minute.  And I still manage 6 hours of intermittent sleep. (yeah, aint that awesome!) . Anti social creature though I am,  all through the rainy, windy evenings, I’ve managed to take Goosh out to play at neighbours & friends every single day. Each weekend this month I’ve outdone myself in the planning department and had outtings and play dates lined up.

We’re doing pretty good I’d say.

So why do I always feel like I’m in high gear?  On adrenaline. All the time.

Guess that’s part of being a Mom. A ‘working Mom’.

Step back. Take a deep breath. Relax. Or atleast try to.

Or just turn and look at that adorable not-a-baby-anymore by my side.

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I got home from work today, and Goosh was no where to be seen. He’d gone down for a walk with his Grandpa.  I washed up and I waited for him.

As the walked in through the door, I sneaked up softly from behind meaning to surprise Goosh.

Before I could reach them, he turned around. Saw me. Instantly let out a whooping joyous gleeful yell and jumped into my arms.

🙂

The simple joys that make it all worthwhile.

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Yesterday was the Goosh’s first ever feedathon.  I’m sure most moms are familiar with this event. Where the kids run/crawl a full marathon while the Moms run behind them with a bowl of food.

And the Goosh is quite good at it too. After all, he’s been practising for almost 8 months now. First feeding directly from Mommy, then slowly moving to juices and an all liquid diet that Nani started him on. He didnt particularly like this phase, He used to be quite upset – Why were Mommy n Nani forcing him to lie down and ‘eat’!? How would he ever get to practise the feedathon crawl like this!? He’d wriggle and squirm and try to worm his way out. But they didnt let him. Those 2 women I tell you.

He couldnt be happier when they introduced him to semi-solids. Aah. Things were moving well. He was happy. He practised gulping. And jumping. And wiggling with more freedom. Every chance he got, every break Mommy took, he’d roll over and run away from her lap. With an impish smile, a gleeful grin.

Then slowly he got things to munch. Khichdi and veggies and dal and rice. My, what an assortment of colors. He really loved how they looked strewn all over the floor. But Mommy was playing spoil sport again. Trying to make him ‘eat’ this stuff, giving him no chance to reach out and practise throwing these colorful foods and clanky bowls on the floor.  But that was ok, let her win some of the smaller battles. As long as he won the larger ones. Like sitting up to eat. Hurrraay!!! No more lying down. Yay!!!

Quick learner that he is, he mastered the art of sitting up and eating in little over a week. Yes, the fine, delicate art of sitting erect, opening your mouth and letting a spoon in, and then with a swirl of the tongue, a hurried closing of the lips, pull in the food..Munch at it gleefully, then lean over for more, open your mouth, and let it all fall out. Wow. Doesnt that look amazing. Colorful squishy pattern on the floor, beautiful blobs on Mommy’s clothes, way to go Goosh!

Now for the final steps. Yes, we’re almost there. to do it all together. What all this preperation adds up to. Crawl, play, eat. Each of these fine arts mastered seperately. To be combined in all their glory.

At the stroke of 7, the Goosh was ready. As soon as the first morsel went in, off he went. From one toy to the other, from one end of the carpet to the other. Dropping bits and pieces of colorful food all over. Stopping to restock only, when a huffing and puffing Mommy caught up with him. The Goosh running ahead, decorating the carpet, the floor, his very own clothes and even his hands and legs with all kinds of half munched, half chewed, delightful colorful food. And Mommy, growling and wheezing behind him, with a never ending bowl.

It took him an hour. But the job was done. He stepped back and surveyed his handiwork. Critical inspection. Yes. Yes, it was a job well down. He smiled at himself. Nay, it was a job very well done. He beamed.

So happy was he, that he bounced his way back to Mommy, and asked for more food. And proceeded to decorate her plain ole black track pant with large colorful splashes of food.

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That thing you do

Dear Goosh,

Where do I start…
There are so many small everyday things that you do that make me go all weak in the knees and teary eyed. How you manage it, heaven only knows. Maybe you’re an angel sent to make me happy. To make me smile, make me laugh, to love me.
Like I’ve said countless times before, each passing day makes me love you a lil more, makes me proud of you a lil more, makes me happy a lil more.

Somethings about you that just make me wonder and go all mushy gushy

– the way you wrinkle up your nose and look me right in the eye

– the way you crack up with that gurgling laughter
.
– the way you grin, bring your face close up to me, nose to nose, and then with a war cry open your mouth and try to swallow my nose.

– dance in your sleep. And get up and crawl. All over the bed. All over me.

– Time your day time naps to EXACTLY thirty minutes!!! You’ve got an unbelievably accurate internal clock.

– laugh with your whole heart when I hold you up and blow on your tummy

– be all chirpy and bouncy and in full gear within a minute of waking up

– the way you try to crawl over me. And the way you try to climb over me

– you hold on to my Tshirt with the lightest grip – and pull yourself up to standing

– the way you jump up and crawl over the pillows towards me as soon as you see me approaching

– the way you look at me and smile when I open the door and walk in. And then how you wail when I go in to wash up.

– the way you sit on my lap and insist on being fed every meal time. From my plate only. Not yours.

– how ecstatic you are upon entering the bathroom!! yeah, i can never understand that. but it never fails to make you happy!

…and here I pause to dab at my moist eyes..i turn around and look at you sleeping soundly beside me.. and go all mushy gushy..

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I’m starting to look for a creche. For when Goosh turns 1 yr old. Yes, starting to look from now. I want to be assured that there’s a good place nearby to send him too. And I’m also trying to get some creche/day care set up on our campus.

Would love your feedback on what kind of things to look for a in a good creche…

I think first comes the people who run it – they should genuinely love kids. All else follows.

Is it better to have a creche near home or near office?

Near home is good so that the kid doesnt have to travel much. But then, when both parents are working and there’s no one at home during the day, what will you do in case of an emergency?

I think near office is better. But then that means that the kiddo has at least a 30 min commute each way; and he has to be strapped into a car seat, which is kind of tough.  But I’ll be close by during the day… and hopefully, I can visit him during the day. However the few good day-cares I’ve heard about (close to office) dont allow parents to meet the kid during the day!!!

Would love to hear about your experiences! Do write in!

And ya, I just discovered polls 🙂

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My little baby has grown up. And he’s bent on showing it every which way. Sunday morning, he proved his point once again. I held him in my lap and sat down for breakfast. My daily bowl of daliya. And the lil guy hijacked my breakfast!!! He insisted on being fed! Daliya ki kheer!!!!! Of all things. Each spoon I brought to my mouth, was attacked. I gave in and let him have a few drops of it. But that wasnt enough. He pouted and he wailed and insisted I feed him ‘properly’ – like a big boy – sitting up, not lying down! Anything more than a 5 second interval between spoonfuls was met with a wail and an attack on the bowl itself!  Take a look at Mommy’s big boy:

Eating Mommy's breakfast

Eating Mommy's breakfast

He’s now made it a daily habit – he MUST eat from Mommy’s bowl.

The delicate little baby has become a rough n tough lil boy. Always jumping around. Always exploring. Bouncing around all the time. Wanting to stand up on his own. Refusing to lie down.  Even for his massage. He can hold on to stuff and pull himself up to sitting, and even standing position. He loooves climbing over Mommy each morning. He loves eating from Mommy’s plate.

From cute baby suits he graduated to jeans n Tshirts

From his lil bath tub, he’s moved on to the pool.

From just breast milk to milkshakes and khichdi.

He refuses to sit in his pram or his cradle any more.

There was a time when he could barely move his little hands. I’d hold his small hand in my fingers. His hand was too tiny to even wrap fully around one finger. Now the fellow grabs hold of my Tshirt by the collar and pulls himself up to standing 🙂  That’s his latest exercise – to pull himself up to standing. He likes doing squats. Er!

Sigh.. where did my little baby go… He’s growing up too fast for me. I wish time would slow down. I want these moments to last longer. I want to savour it a while more.. the teeny weeny fingers wrapped around mine, little hands holding on to me, the little feet digging into me when I sleep. Those long hourly feeds.. how I hated them then.. now I long for them. The satisfaction when he was fully fed .. the happiness on his face, the playfulness.. dozing off after a satisfied meal… I miss it all now. My supply has gone down drastically in the last few weeks. I cant even feed him a full stomach in the mornings. Have to supplement it with Lactogen or milkshake or something. And I feel sad. I wanted to continue feeding him till he’s a year old.. Doc says its probably coz of the stress, food habits etc etc.. besides which, its been 6.5 months… All I can do is improve my diet and relax. Easier said than done.

He’s also turning into a helpful lil lad. See, he helped Mommy do her grocery shopping today. He loved exploring MK Retail, and gleefully pulled stuff from the shelves!

And oh, did I mention the laundry 😉

Mommy's lil helper folding the laundry

Mommy's lil helper folding the laundry

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* feel compelled to do potty only when he’s in Mommy’s lap?  No other position, no other lap will do.

* think that the dull grey camera, laptop and the old black phone are more fascinating that the bright new rattles and other toys that we get him? Does he like have an antenna that tells him “This is an electronic gadget. Play with it”?

* have to pee on Mommy everytime she is all ready to go out? Is there some territory marking going on here?

* think that the bathrooms are the most awesome place in the whole house. As soon as you walk into the bathroom with him, his face lights up, he chuckles with glee, and wants to jump and hop and skip. Maybe its the huge mirror on the wall, or the way I hold him.. or maybe he just loooves playing in his own ‘poo-poo’ and doesnt want Mommy to wash it off!!!

* want to reach out of the balcony and pick up the cars – which are on the road 5 floors below.

* clam up real tight when you try to give him rice, or carrot or even cerelac – but swap at it when its on Mommy’s plate?

* decide to sneeze just when you manage to push through a spoonful of cerelac into his mouth?

* have to give you the hardest time all morning, and then give you a gorgeous grin when you’re just on your way out the door to work – the kind that makes you melt and run right back in and hold him and never want to leave?

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